5 בנובמבר 2014

Tears of a child…

Every parent out there and even those who’re getting ready to become one, will agree with me saying that we all hate seeing our, or any other, kids cry!

It breaks our heart, makes us feel bad and want to kill the motherfucker responsible for it (don’t know about the mommy’s but the daddy’s will relate J) all we wanna do is to hug and protect ‘em from the mean and cruel world until they’re adults.

I remember one time to many my mom recites to me: “Be smart and don’t repeat my mistakes!” something I now recite to my kids (I have a sex years old daughter and a four years old son) – looking back on my life I’ll be happy to spare theme some really nasty shit I went through when I was little…

But are we really doing our children a favor by protecting them and saving them from “bad” experience and “our” mistakes?

I say – NOT!

Not much changed from the time we became who we are, accept maybe we got fatter and lazier, but we still learn the way our ancestors did – EXPERIENCE.

Our brain still works at this primitive level of: 
good experience – keep and repeat, bad experience – avoid and proceed.

I simplify this on purpose since we all know it and further discussion about biochemistry and behavioral mechanics of our brain is out of scope of this article.

Experience in early stages of child development is crucial for the kids since tasting, touching and trying everything for the solemn purpose of learning and discovering, is the only way for them to understand the world we brought them into.

Did you know that by the age of eight every child experience all the emotional spectrum – hate, love, fear, frustration, joy etc…

By the way, the best metabolic workout I know is chasing your kids around constantly aware of any shit they might be putting in their mouth or laying their hand on…

For that same reason of discovery, nature made their bodies so soft and “Wolverine” recoverable when they’re little! As much as it hurts seeing a 6 years old kid with an arm cast, he’ll forget about it in no time and will be back good as new but if the same thing happens to the 60 years old….

We all aware of (especially in a our field) how dangerous injuries are, especially  when we’re old(er) and how much time it would take to recover from it and with GOD’s help we’ll be back 100%...

And yet, as parents, we tend to pet and keep our kids in “safe zone” most of the time. When I’m hanging out with my kids (which I try to do as often as my schedule allows it) I watch mommies and daddies bitch around their kid: “don’t climb, don’t run, don’t touch, don’t jump and don’t take your shirt off…” – mind you, we’re at the Play Yard!

What do you expect your kids to do on a play ground – quietly feed pigeons, play chess and solve the Fermat’s Last Theorem?!...

The funny thing is that those exact people later tell stories and share posts of FB about how wonderful the childhood where when they where little - without PC’s and TV’s but with a lot of fresh air and outdoors, moreover most of us bare stories about almost being killed or injured on some occasion as kids and we just love telling them and here’s a punch – WHY?

The answer is simple – wanna guess? Correct: THE EXPERIENCE!

I’ll always remember an episode when I studied Theatre Art and Directing, our teacher entered a studio and said something that played a huge role in my later development and keep doing so until this very day:

“You, young people, came here to learn from me and pay me money not because I’m richer, prettier, smarter or more connected then you are. Every one of you can easily beat me in every one of these fields, all except one – I AM MORE EXPERIENCED then you are because I’m in this industry for 30 years…”

We love to share such stories with others because the more experience you have the higher social and professional status you get!

Answer me this: on a subject of strength training, whose advice you’ll likely to follow mine (with all due respect to myself) or Charles Poliquin’s, Paul Carter’s , Jim Wendler’s and that’s just a few who crossed my mind?..

-          I rest my case.

So why are we preventing from our children the thing that made us who we are? Why are we so overprotective? Why do we think that they are so fragile?

Please note, I’m not advocating sending our kids to Colombian prison, fed them leftovers, make them sleep outside (actually not a bad idea – they won’t cough ever again…) or abuse them just to forge them!

Children are Superman in comparison to us (adults), they are much stronger then we give him credit for! Think about it – they can put some nasty stuff in their mouth and their digestive system just fine, they fall, bang their head, twist their body and limbs in rather than peculiar ways without straining, dislocating and breaking anything and unfortunately, too often, they hold in their little and gentle hands, mommy and daddy from divorcing…. 

Don’t let their size and innocent face full you, they are stronger than we ever be, no matter how hard we lift!..

As for protecting our kids from making our own mistakes - I am sorry but your children AREN'T YOU! They are the product of your sperm and theirs mother ovum but they are not you by simply not being raised as you, living like you, having your environment and social surrounding - they just don’t have YOUR experience!

Being raised through the reflection of our own past, makes our kids a better version of us thus, by merely “making” them, we already “saved” them from our own past!

Ponder for a second by going back and comparing yourself to your own folks – with all the similarities you’re NOT them and you parent’s, in their turn, are NOT theirs!

It’s what I call a “Spiral of Life” although in circles, it always goes up and evolving.

One thing we got right though - the world is a cruel and nasty place! It’s a jungle out there and the law of the survival of the fittest always has and will be the primal force of evolution!

With this being said, what do you think our job as parents is: to protect our children from the world outside or to prepare them for it in a best way we can?!

I say, our job is to raise tough and strong motherfuckers who will dominate their life and faith rather than being led as “sheep’s to slaughter”!

Let these little bastards ran, jump, bang, lift, taste, climb, swing and do other crazy shit they want (as long as there’s no life threat in their actions), let them build their own toolbox of experiences and believe me our presence and influence will leave their mark on them so there is no need to force it – just act and be that person you want them to in the future and everything will be ‘aight!

So next time you are ready before you pet and protect, wait a second – there’s a good chance that the tears of a child is a smile of an adult…

Let YOUR monkey out!

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